Tips on Communicating Disappointment to a Man

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He sometimes doesn't talk to me or give me the attention I want. Sometimes, people may have unrealistic expectations of a relationship.

Many of these issues have been present for many years at this point. But if you had roses from the florist held firmly in your head, other beautiful miracles, another sort of loving gesture from him will look like weeds, an afterthought, your expectations unmet, and you will feel bad.

When a man knows he's disappointed his girlfriend

I remember a time when I would feel so sad and bewildered because my then boyfriend, now husband, never said he loved me. It seemed as though he did, yet I still wished and ached for those words. Or sometimes he would ask me what I wanted for Christmas, and I would excitedly tell him, filled with anticipation as the day approached, yet it was as if I had never said a word. For nothing on the list HE asked for appeared — which left me feeling, hurt, confused, and yes, kind of angry. He always did something for me, yet it never ended up looking the same as I had envisioned. So I felt let down, a little or a lot depending on the disparity between my dream and reality. Do you have similar stories? And expectations can be tricky things, destructive really. YET I would venture to say that these qualities are an is-ness in a relationship. And you will feel bad, if only a little. But he brought you the purple one instead. You like purple as much as red, yet because your expectations had been built up for the red dress, you felt discontented, somewhat if not mostly unhappy with his gift. BUT had you stayed open and curious to whatever he might bring you, had you allowed the potential for surprise, you would have likely felt thrilled and delighted, touched by his thoughtfulness and care. And you might have discovered you love the purple dress even better. He chose it FOR YOU after all. When you have an agenda, you close yourself off to possibility. Though with this mindset and heart awareness, you might recognize a gift of another sort, something which you would not have noticed otherwise. For example, there was a five month period where my man was commuting to a job accessible only via airplane, so he would fly up Monday morning and fly back Thursday evening. We happened to have concert tickets that day for the symphony one in a series we had purchased. I was prepared to either give them away or maybe take a friend. Instead, my man flew back home that afternoon to go WITH ME and sleep the night with me before having to go back to work again Wednesday morning. This could have been such a lovely, potentially passionate, love filled mid-week rendezvous. So the entire evening I felt deflated, separate from him, not very happy. And I ended up missing out on what was actually such a wonderful present from him — time together spent in love which is SO much better than anything else. You were thought of in those moments, and this can feel so precious. With this new way of thinking and feeling, the daisies he picked for you will feel sweet, a special treasure. He was holding YOU fondly in HIS HEART while he selected his gift for you. And you will feel touched, cared for — LOVED. BUT if you had roses from the florist stuck in your head, other beautiful miracles, another sort of loving gesture from him will look like weeds, an afterthought, your expectations unmet, and you will feel upset. And look what you would have missed out on — ALL the wonderfulness from YOUR MAN which has been there along with an opportunity for a lovely connection — with HIM. I was now able to recognize his innumerable gifts which were actually amazing and touched me more deeply because they were filled with his heart. He was giving to me in HIS WAY, and when I shifted my perspective around this, I discovered his way was very SPECIAL indeed. Expectations plainly and simply set you up to NOT feel good, and they do nothing to bring you closer to your man — instead they pull you apart, little bit by little bit. When your heart is as open as possible to life and love, flowing with each moment — whether it feels good or not, when you can let go of those expectations, your life and YOUR RELATIONSHIP will feel SO much easier, SO much happier, SO much more fun, SO much more LOVED FILLED. And you will rarely feel disappointed in your man or your relationship again. Have you experienced something like this? Please share your story in the comments below. I have developed a library of resources containing hundreds of articles on my website, , a book, a video program, and a love and relationship coaching practice — all geared to help women restore themselves and their relationships. This article is what is wrong with so many of us. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Reciprocity in a relationship is important. If one member is a giver and the other is a taker it needs to be communicated not swept under the rug. You are so right about the trickiness of expectations. They can so easily sneak up on you, making what could be a wonderful feeling situation into a not so good one if not an awful feeling one. Thank you for sharing. It puts such a different perspective on relationships and relating — different really than anything you hear out there… i. Why do we get so caught up in expectations in a relationship? Are we taught it? Or does it come naturally to us women? The only thing innate in everyone is LOVE, and love is what we are born as; love is what we are at core. But love gets covered over very quickly starting with the first time we felt pain whether it be physical or emotional of both. And the layers build over the years with each wound or trauma. The rest is taught, and this includes fear. The former usually is the most effective. Yet since fear is something we learn, then I suppose expectations are totally something we take on, learn. Fear is insidious, and many if not most attempt to keep fear at bay by attempting to control — other people, self, the surroundings, which can maybe alleviate the fear for awhile and in some circumstances, yet long term, not so much. The attempts at control ends up inevitably controlling us. And it also tends to push the people we might want the most away. Thank you again for being here. I was taught to have high expectations and find it very hard to get rid of them. But I am nothing of the sort. I am caring and sensitive and very loving. And he has very little ambitions other than being with me and increasing our family I already have a child. He is broke and works shift jobs and only just began to attempt to build a career path. I feel I have a lot to learn from him and force the resentment down. After all I brought him into my life so there must be a reason he is there. And I will stick to thst thought because I am tired of not being happy. Thank you for writing this and being there. I needed to read this today. But I am confused. I am confused if my expectations are unrealistic. I am with a 28 year old man for 3 months. From the beginning, I realized that he does not have enough time for me to stay together and enjoy each others company. He claimed he loved me from last 5 years that is why he was single so long until he got me. We never spend long time, private times together. I have a job, and i study. Still I manage time for him. But he does not have job at the moment. But he is always busy. He is drinking with friends or playing games with cousin or going to see his grandma that he claims ill often or taking all responsibilities of the neighborhood to solve their problems. One night we had a date plan. He drove me back home as soon as he could to be with his friend. After 3 days of 48 hours work, I got some free time to spend with him. But that day he chose to watch a football match with his cousin. He behaves as if he is involved in all family matters and his opinion is so important. But come on, his parents are alive and so his grandparents. I never felt it. He never helps me with anything. But he would do everything for friends and cousins. He still wants to say he loves me and wants to marry me. I am not sure if i can be happy with him this way. I am his last moment plan. Despite being unemployed, he never managed to give me enough time, and now he is joining a new job. So i can guess he will disappear. I am feeling insane. Am I the one to blame? I find your opinion as to why women are disappointed in men to be skewed. As I sit here wondering what expectations I have set, I realise that I set less expectations for my husband then for my children. With that said, I feel some expectations should be met. You are literally telling women it is their fault, that their husbands do not meet certain expectations. Why are my expectations deemed too high, when all I want is for him to throw his waste into the garbage rather the floor? Which leaves me very frustrated and unsatisfied with my marriage. When they are with their dad he wants to spend time together but when they are with me he is too busy. It has been going on for a year and at first I didnt want to pressure him or rush the children into meeting a new man. But a year later I feel disappointed that I have to put my foot down and basically demand he spend quality time with us as a family. I think he should initiate this at some point. He is 10 years younger than me and I do understand he does not have kids so these things dont cross his mind but he knew from the beginning we were a package deal. I am also always disappointed when I have some need for his help such as helping me move or my car broke down and I need a ride and he is too busy or sleeping. He is older and more mature and I feel he is a much better man all around. I have expectations and he always lives up to them because he set the standard! Unfortunately, during a rough patch and a split from him I met someone new and I am very in love with the new guy. But he is lazier, slower and less experienced so I have to be extremely patient when I want to scream at times. This article is helpful in that wa, I think. I have to expect nothing and I wont be disappointed. This can be changed — but understand that this is a new way of relating to someone. Introspection is always a good starting point.

Either realize that he is a guy and young and will probably need his space to go hang out and do things which doesn't mean he cares less about you. Breaking up can become an utterly soul-crushing experience if you feel like you've met everything -- including friendships -- to make the relationship work. It doesn't have to be an interaction or any overt behavior; connection is a mental state. Feel and express your frustration, sadness, and disappointment in your partner. I just had a lot going on at work, and I servile you were ok since you didn't let me know anything else. He still wants to say he loves me and wants to marry me. Relationships are about finding compromise and managing expectations, not becoming totally in sync on every single issue.